Finless sharks never killed anybody, though...

An open letter to Rob Stewart, director of the documentary Sharkwater:


I am empathetic towards the topic of this movie. That sinking shark with no fins broke my cold cold heart. However I have some tips that will help people take you seriously in the future:

1. There is a maxium role that your nipples/swimming panties should play in a movie.
2. For the soundtrack, please do not mix your Moby and Portishead with wailing Enya-type yoga music.
3. If you make a point like, "without sharks, we will eventually not be able to breathe" you can probably be rest assured that some people will remember this without you repeating it every 3 seconds like we're idiots.
4. When you tell us that you have discovered that you have flesh-eating disease, and will lose a leg, it then becomes confusing to see you with two legs for the rest of the movie.
5. Try not to sound so much like Keanu Reeves.

Thanks,
R

p.s. Also, if you're going to go after some poachers with a battleship, please don't be afraid to bust some heads. What was with spraying them with hoses? Pansy.