I hate lying but I do it so well
Since being let go from my last part-time job (my luck to work at the only place in this city with TOO MANY employees) I find myself in need of a new part-time job so I can stop lying to apartment managers about being employed. (Ha!)
Hence the fun new world of online applications.
Here are some questions I really wish I could just answer honestly:
Why would you like to work for our company?
-Because I need some money to live, and I feel like you might give me a reasonable amount of it if I perform your monkey tasks. My real passion is my art, of course, so I feel like your company would allow me to pay some bills without taking too much time away from me being happy and fufilled.
What skills do you feel you would bring to this organization?
-I'll show up most days, not get sick very often, do things with a minimum amount of complaint, give off pleasant odours and speak english clearly, and very probably won't call any customers "dick-face"while they can hear me. Oh, and if it ever comes up, I'm pretty good with jive/hip-hop lingo, yo.
What are your career goals?
-Good money, health benefits, no uniforms or pantyhose, no babies, no door-to-door, loose sex and occasional theft of office supplies.
What is wrong with our culture that I can't just write the truth? Is it so bad?
Hence the fun new world of online applications.
Here are some questions I really wish I could just answer honestly:
Why would you like to work for our company?
-Because I need some money to live, and I feel like you might give me a reasonable amount of it if I perform your monkey tasks. My real passion is my art, of course, so I feel like your company would allow me to pay some bills without taking too much time away from me being happy and fufilled.
What skills do you feel you would bring to this organization?
-I'll show up most days, not get sick very often, do things with a minimum amount of complaint, give off pleasant odours and speak english clearly, and very probably won't call any customers "dick-face"while they can hear me. Oh, and if it ever comes up, I'm pretty good with jive/hip-hop lingo, yo.
What are your career goals?
-Good money, health benefits, no uniforms or pantyhose, no babies, no door-to-door, loose sex and occasional theft of office supplies.
What is wrong with our culture that I can't just write the truth? Is it so bad?
posted by Idoru at 1:01 AM
4 Comments:
i dare you to. $50 say yuo get the job.
from Jacob
It's true...you probably would get the job for being so honest and original! Do it.
No you won't get a job... you will not get a job. Unless you're applying to Hooters and they read the part about loose sex.
honesty is never the best policy, it's like that time I told those people at my previous job - that I didn't like them... I was just being honest, but they didn't appreciate my honesty at all.
I don't work there anymore... And I still don't like them...
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