more fun rants
First of all, I know I am going to hell for making fun of this guy. I am comfortable with that.
You may remember Chris from a very early blog entry wherein he called me Hitler. No wait....WORSE than Hitler. Yet with Chris the fact that you are not writing to him is no deterrent to him writing you...so here are a few gems from random crazymail I have recieved lately.
Hi Rhianna,I have a strong urge to take pictures of Kensington as well, winterbackdrop, perhaps walk around Kensington.Yes, a smooth idea. You can take me to all the places you wanted to go andor did check out when you worked at the Roast' deuce. I would like to see Kensington through your eyes.
First of all. There is a sense in how this email is written that I suggested we get together at some point. Which is, sadly, untrue. Kaylen suggested that he is trying to subliminally trick me into thinking getting together was my idea. Or else he is confused about the use of the words "as well". I'm also not sure why he would want to see Kensington from a viewpoint about 1.5' lower to the ground.
I want to talk to you. Not sure what to say. But it will be interesting to see your mischievous smile that follows a particularly clever and wit-filled remark.
I feel like this is really presuming a lot about my side of the conversation. Or possibly, his.
The innocent smugness and the portals that are youreyes giving me a glimpse into the truth untold of what you are truly thinking. Also, you're tiny and cute which makes you adorable.
Represented mathematically, that would be tiny + cute = adorable. An equation only slightly less revolutionary than e=mc squared. Also....."innocent smugness?" Am I being accused of innocent smugness? Is that an oxymoron? Is "untold truth of what you are truly thinking" an oxymoron? Also......portals? My eyes have often been described as limpid pools, but not portals. They are not doorways on Star Trek.
As well, you havedone some interesting things with your time on this planet and sharedintimate thoughts with me before that it will be interesting to see howlife unfolded for the other member of this "conference --to be determinedin a not too distance future." Mine is a tale of mixed success' andfailures and am on the presipus of a total new road pulling me into anofframp lane, with destination unknown, but it's going somewhere andpretty damn fast. Long-time a' coming.(insert synonym for either "also," or "as well,") things have stayed the same.
At the risk of sounding like Bill Clinton, I did not share intimate thoughts with this man.
I'm not sure the whole driving metaphor works that well, as it's been overdone. "Life is a Highway" and so on. Being that a precipice is a cliff edge, I'm not convinced that there could ever be a precipice of a total new road pulling you into an offramp lane. Unless the roadrunner had set up an elaborate trap for you by moving street signs around.
Kaylen: "My next cat will be named "Presipus"
Yes....the Presipuss of Despurr.
You may remember Chris from a very early blog entry wherein he called me Hitler. No wait....WORSE than Hitler. Yet with Chris the fact that you are not writing to him is no deterrent to him writing you...so here are a few gems from random crazymail I have recieved lately.
Hi Rhianna,I have a strong urge to take pictures of Kensington as well, winterbackdrop, perhaps walk around Kensington.Yes, a smooth idea. You can take me to all the places you wanted to go andor did check out when you worked at the Roast' deuce. I would like to see Kensington through your eyes.
First of all. There is a sense in how this email is written that I suggested we get together at some point. Which is, sadly, untrue. Kaylen suggested that he is trying to subliminally trick me into thinking getting together was my idea. Or else he is confused about the use of the words "as well". I'm also not sure why he would want to see Kensington from a viewpoint about 1.5' lower to the ground.
I want to talk to you. Not sure what to say. But it will be interesting to see your mischievous smile that follows a particularly clever and wit-filled remark.
I feel like this is really presuming a lot about my side of the conversation. Or possibly, his.
The innocent smugness and the portals that are youreyes giving me a glimpse into the truth untold of what you are truly thinking. Also, you're tiny and cute which makes you adorable.
Represented mathematically, that would be tiny + cute = adorable. An equation only slightly less revolutionary than e=mc squared. Also....."innocent smugness?" Am I being accused of innocent smugness? Is that an oxymoron? Is "untold truth of what you are truly thinking" an oxymoron? Also......portals? My eyes have often been described as limpid pools, but not portals. They are not doorways on Star Trek.
As well, you havedone some interesting things with your time on this planet and sharedintimate thoughts with me before that it will be interesting to see howlife unfolded for the other member of this "conference --to be determinedin a not too distance future." Mine is a tale of mixed success' andfailures and am on the presipus of a total new road pulling me into anofframp lane, with destination unknown, but it's going somewhere andpretty damn fast. Long-time a' coming.(insert synonym for either "also," or "as well,") things have stayed the same.
At the risk of sounding like Bill Clinton, I did not share intimate thoughts with this man.
I'm not sure the whole driving metaphor works that well, as it's been overdone. "Life is a Highway" and so on. Being that a precipice is a cliff edge, I'm not convinced that there could ever be a precipice of a total new road pulling you into an offramp lane. Unless the roadrunner had set up an elaborate trap for you by moving street signs around.
Kaylen: "My next cat will be named "Presipus"
Yes....the Presipuss of Despurr.
posted by Idoru at 10:42 PM
11 Comments:
Ooh my! He is a wordsmith isn't he?
I do so love these quasi-intellectual, pseudo-alternative semi-spiritual little live travellers.
Tell him that no matter how many lines from Tom Hanks movies he wants to recite, he is still the stale rotten chocolate at the bottom of the box.
Love Jacob
When you forget to press the space bar, I think we should say you are "doing it 1984 style."
It would behoove you to stop ridiculing people publically. It makes you look cruel rather than clever. Also, it's downright rude, and as you've previously proven, it can be hurtful.
A word of unsolicited advice: count to ten before you post.
okay seriously. there is no way chris will ever see this, he knows no one I know and no one I know knows him. There is no last name so I am safe from Googling. Plus, it is rife with comedy. You cannot set me up with gold like this and expect me not to use it. My friends need entertaining.
Most of all, I never promised to be nice. If this is who I think it is, I apologized because perceived insults were taken out of context, not because I have an abiding need to be liked or considered a charming lady. However if chris was ever somehow offended by this, then he can stop stalking me at ANY TIME. Dude, this guy called me Hitler and somehow some grammar jokes are worse than that?
I don't even want to be behooved, it sounds painful.
True dat - this guy's got some bad karma coming ... I mean, come on, girls are crazy but ... Hitler?! No attempts at sucking up (poorly executed, by the by) allowed. Besides, she's too smart to be distracted by big words (potentially ill-used and misspelled as well) ... shiny things, then we might be talking!
I love how you now officially have a blog stalker, which would be okay were it someone you knew, and we all liked.
On another note...the chris guy sounds like he overloaded his plate with crazy.
i do not understand this 'bonus jesus points for not being rude' business. i think it says just as much about a person's virtues, who they condemn. if you condemn bad pizza, it means you are pro good pizza and anti bad pizza. this pizza thing applies to exes and crazies of all sorts. all the crazies of the rainbow. why most of them seem to be from the land down under, i will never know..
i like rude. i like clever. clever+rue= hooray. but that's just the condescending, vicious lady that i am.
pro presipuss.
P.S. Are you really a foot and a half shorter than someone? That's a lot shorter to be.
I have to laugh at the paragon of virtue who presumes to tell you how to behave (or perhaps behoove) while writing a pretty mean-spirited response. A word of unsolicited advice to the brave, anonymous person: Don't be so judgmental. It makes you sound petty,pious, and puritannical rather than perspicacious. (sorry, the p's took on a life of their own.)
Controversy! Good for the comments! I can't believe the Morality Police themselves are on my side. (the one and only time)People, we all know I'm kind of a jerk. But I have good intentions and often do volunteer work. I am also, at best, probably only 1' shorter than Chris. Now that I think about it. My last word on the subject.... Watch out for ponies...they may sidle you until you pass out from lack of air and then behoove you all over your spine.
If life is a highway, then I am going to drive it all night long. Or until I reach that precipice. Whichever comes first.
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