an evening with Captain Zigzag
The best thing about today was, Kaylen is finally home. Which meant we went right back to our old traditions, namely haunting Higher Ground and watching too many adult swim cartoons. When we arrived at Higher Ground many tables were occupied, so we asked the old gent leaving if we could take his table. He stayed behind to take our dainty hands in his and ask our names, and introduce himself as Captain Zigzag. Which turned into an entirely-too-long conversation full of some little gems.
CZ: "...when my daughter was born, I got to be the babycatcher. It was harder than you'd think. When babies pop out they're all red and wet and covered in goo..."
Me: "Buddy, we're trying to have coffee here."
----
Me: "Are you a real Captain?"
CZ: "Well it's a funny story there. You see..."
Me: "But are you a real Captain?"
CZ: "I'm telling the story! You see..."
Kaylen: "Does it involve a boat at some point? Or else we're not interested"
Me: "Or a starship"
----
CZ: "...so I went to sea with hardly any training, no navigation, only a few courses. Our first night out, there was a huge storm. It was a real trial by fire."
Me: "...or, water."
----
CZ: "Then I quit smoking for a long time. When my wife died, I wondered, should I take up smoking again? Or not take up smoking?"
Me: "This is a lot like Hamlet."
CZ: "I love Shakespeare! Are you familiar with the speech from "As you Like It"?
(Proceeds to launch into recital, with arm gestures)
"The infant, mewling and puking in his nurses arms!"
Kaylen: "Ugh, no babies"
CZ: (pausing) Well, Shakespeare was quite visceral..."
Me: "No viscera either"
(continuing)
"Then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel, creeping like a snail, unwillingly to school!"
Kaylen: "Snails don't go to school."
---
Kaylen: "So I take it you were a drama major."
CZ: "I'm trying to explain that we are all actors, on the stage of life!"
Kaylen: ""No, but seriously..."
----
CZ: "Now I work as a general contractor......of life!"
Me: "Is everything metaphorical with you?"
----
Marc, later on: "I work as a general contractor...on your mom"
----
CZ: "I gave up my SUV, now I'm totally green. I ride my bike everywhere, or take the bus. Hardly use any gas"
Kaylen: "Why not, it's there to be used"
Me: "Yeah, those dinosaurs died for our sins"
Kaylen: "Screw the dolphins"
As you can tell, after the initial amusement we were giving off "please go away" signals that weren't having much affect. After he finally left we breathed a sigh of relief, only to have him come back to fetch his keys. He starts talking again and I, sensing a clever escape, start talking to Travis at the next table. 20 minutes of inane crazy old man chatter go by, until Kaylen starts getting a little desperately mean.
CZ: "I get it! You want me to stop talking and leave you alone! I'm sensing with my intuitive third eye that you wish I hadn't forgotten my keys! Well then. Au Revoir!"
Kaylen: ".....I hate you."
CZ: "...when my daughter was born, I got to be the babycatcher. It was harder than you'd think. When babies pop out they're all red and wet and covered in goo..."
Me: "Buddy, we're trying to have coffee here."
----
Me: "Are you a real Captain?"
CZ: "Well it's a funny story there. You see..."
Me: "But are you a real Captain?"
CZ: "I'm telling the story! You see..."
Kaylen: "Does it involve a boat at some point? Or else we're not interested"
Me: "Or a starship"
----
CZ: "...so I went to sea with hardly any training, no navigation, only a few courses. Our first night out, there was a huge storm. It was a real trial by fire."
Me: "...or, water."
----
CZ: "Then I quit smoking for a long time. When my wife died, I wondered, should I take up smoking again? Or not take up smoking?"
Me: "This is a lot like Hamlet."
CZ: "I love Shakespeare! Are you familiar with the speech from "As you Like It"?
(Proceeds to launch into recital, with arm gestures)
"The infant, mewling and puking in his nurses arms!"
Kaylen: "Ugh, no babies"
CZ: (pausing) Well, Shakespeare was quite visceral..."
Me: "No viscera either"
(continuing)
"Then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel, creeping like a snail, unwillingly to school!"
Kaylen: "Snails don't go to school."
---
Kaylen: "So I take it you were a drama major."
CZ: "I'm trying to explain that we are all actors, on the stage of life!"
Kaylen: ""No, but seriously..."
----
CZ: "Now I work as a general contractor......of life!"
Me: "Is everything metaphorical with you?"
----
Marc, later on: "I work as a general contractor...on your mom"
----
CZ: "I gave up my SUV, now I'm totally green. I ride my bike everywhere, or take the bus. Hardly use any gas"
Kaylen: "Why not, it's there to be used"
Me: "Yeah, those dinosaurs died for our sins"
Kaylen: "Screw the dolphins"
As you can tell, after the initial amusement we were giving off "please go away" signals that weren't having much affect. After he finally left we breathed a sigh of relief, only to have him come back to fetch his keys. He starts talking again and I, sensing a clever escape, start talking to Travis at the next table. 20 minutes of inane crazy old man chatter go by, until Kaylen starts getting a little desperately mean.
CZ: "I get it! You want me to stop talking and leave you alone! I'm sensing with my intuitive third eye that you wish I hadn't forgotten my keys! Well then. Au Revoir!"
Kaylen: ".....I hate you."
posted by Idoru at 12:12 AM
2 Comments:
You're so lucky to have Captain Zigzag there in Calgary. All we have here are Ramblin' Rich and Physics Phil.
I've had many a conversation with Physics Phil, but I only ever see Ramblin' Rich around town. From what I hear, he sometimes "dresses up like a wizard" and "eats everybody's fries."
i like how you said 'affect' instead of 'effect'... like we were in spiritual distress and he was in spiritual ignorance :`)
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